Once upon a time, there was a man who married a woman. They had a daughter. A muslim, saw the woman, fell in love, and killed the man. The woman left the country.

This was almost 20 years ago, when i was practically in diapers. The man was one of my dads best friends. His daughter is getting married tomorrow. And I’m supposed to go to the wedding. 

I dont get the point for inviting so many strangers to a supposed private celebration.

Next point.

Nowadays, whenever im out with my parents and we meet thier freinds, the first question they ask me is "te may migo na, dai?" (Why wont they ask me "te may ubra na?" or "te doctor ka na?". But thats another topic.) And when i say no, they give me a look of disbeleif and ask again. Nope. They conclude with a knowing look at whichever parent im with, saying "basi indi lang manugid".

A few years ago, they had asked me the same question. When i said no (it was a simpler answer. too complicated to explain who he is, since he wasnt from bacolod), they'd nod approvigly and say "hoo ta, indi lang anay. kabata pa gani sa imo."

In a few years, i'm sure theyre going to ask me the same thing. And i'm still going to say no. I know what theyre going to say. They used to say this a lot to my coco when she was in her late twenties: "sige lang, ara lang na da sha. mameet mo lang na".

Point is, why cant they just let it be if i say wala. Theres nothing wrong with that, is there? Why is this little society of ours so preoccupied with relationships? It seems that when you reach a certain age, ur just supposed to be in one.

When i announced to my extended family that i dont plan to get married or have kids, everyone reacted negatively. They were adamant about how importanat it is to have children, so i'd have someone to take care of me when im old.

I dont want to. I dont want to! I dont want to!!! Let me be!

3rd point.

Did anyone notice that the Daemark soccer team kept tripping and falling over in their game against France?

Wrong choice. Can feel it.  Wrong decision. Know it. Exploding, imploding. Expanding in a vacuum. Constricting in infinty. Spinning, pungent, throbbing, aaaaarrrrggghhhh!!!!!

Stop it! everything! STOP!!!!!

yeah i just got back, smile, it was so much fun. please leave. doing great, smile, slowly rush away.
yeah no problem, blank stare. everything fine, smile, turn away.

anonymity, where are you? dont care what they say about frowns using up more muscles than smiles. takes much more effort to smile than frown sometimes. i hate this. i really do. is there a direct flight to oblivion?

stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it

leave me alone!

i dont want to be here. i dont want to be here. i dont want to be.

enough of the lies and the fake smiles and the everything is fine and will be alright and life is good and we laugh and we are happy. bulls#it..

i love the night. dark. silence. absence of human consciousness.

frustration. gnawing of teeth. nails on a chalkboard.

breathe breathe breathe. no. that does not work anymore. not now. not here.

im supposed to be there right now. free. with you. happiness is a subjective experience. should have left behind this snow-globe world of fondant fantasy. in you i see whats real, and not some sugar-coated fantasy. but clipped my own feathers. why. fear maybe. he's there. afraid of the one i loathe the most. possibly. who knows.

u understand me. and even when you dont, u accept me. i have frustrations, you have much worse. but you have your laughter and your jokes, your beer and your vodka. i have nothing but you. your stoic eyes, eternally smiling on the surface, but in their depths, in their brown emptiness i drown my monsters. you have saved me, kept me sane. u might not know it, might not have seemed like it, but u have.

i thank you.